Low
by Only1ToniD
Summary: One of my angsties fics to date... Jarly with a touch of CaSh Carly/Shawn at the end...


**Low**

_Everybody's talking_  
_But they don't say a thing_  
_They look at me with sad eyes_  
_But I don't want the sympathy_

Carly stared into space as her whole world crumbled. She had been forced to just stand there and watch as every hope and dream she ever had for her life had shattered. She had taken everything he'd ever thrown at her…The life they lived was fraught with lemons, but she'd worked hard to give him lemonade. All the crap that came with loving a man like him with the intensity and utterly single-minded devotion she did was no easy task, but she had done it and given him her all… and what did she receive in return?

**BOUNDARIES.**

With one word, everything they shared suddenly meant nothing. And to think it had come after he had proposed to his current girlfriend… without so much as a word to his supposed best friend. She had gotten the news from Elizabeth Webber, of all people. She had gone to confront him… but all she really needed was some consideration, some comfort, and a little confirmation that her status as his best friend was secure. Instead, he had humiliated her by taking the opportunity to lay down the law with a little help from his ever-present fiancé!

_It's cool you didn't want me_  
_Sometimes you can't go back_  
_But why'd you have to go and make a mess like that?_  
_Well I just have to say_  
_Before I let go…_

She stood staring into the darkness uncaring that the docks could be dangerous. She was lost in the past. Usually Carly's memories of their life were focused on wistful, happy moments that completely negated the pain, but for the first time in a long time she wasn't shading things to favor Jason over herself.

Her thoughts were dark and painful and the theme was broken promises. Even before she'd ever slept with Sonny, Jason had proven his word worthless, but she'd believed in him anyway. After he had sworn he was in it for the 'long haul' only to turn and run away, she'd rationalized it as him trying to protect them. Then the painful goodbye when he said it was too hard to keep letting her go, she had once again ignored that he was breaking his word and instead just blamed herself for her bad choices. No matter what, she gave him everything she had.

Suddenly, her mind flashed to the day he had finally said the three words she had dreamed of hearing him direct her way… only to then tell her it would never be enough to survive what used to be her self-destructive way of existing.

_Have you ever been low?_  
_Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?_  
_When the truth came out,_  
_Were you the last to know?_  
_Were you left out in the cold?_  
_Cuz what you did was low._

After that day in November 1999, when she'd made the greatest mistake of her life, Carly had felt herself losing ground… with herself and with her other half. There hadn't been anything overt at first except his absence from her life, but then it had become more clear. He had taken Sonny's side with the custody battle over the kids, lied about the paternity of the little guttersnipe's baby with HER husband, and most recently was the whole ordeal surrounding him lying about little Jake's paternity.

He was keeping more than he was sharing and trading on their friendship to get them past the rough spots as if he had done nothing wrong. Here in her solitude, she finally allowed herself to acknowledge the thing that she was having the most trouble letting go of. The one thing she had never ever expressed to even herself was her greatest disappointment in him… his greatest failure.

Carly blamed him for the year Michael lost.

He had been the one to convince her to trust Sonny just one more time with their child. So even with her instincts screaming at her to get her baby out of there, she had placed her faith in Michael's only true father. But no, he had been thinking of his new family and getting back to them, not protecting the family she'd given him so long ago. And because of that, her baby had spent a year of his life trapped inside his own body.

_Why was I the only one who still couldn't completely move on? Had I been fooling myself? Had I truly been the only one to ever really love my kids?_

_No, I don't need your number._  
_There's nothing left to say_  
_Except I never thought it'd hurt this much to be saved._  
_My friends are outside waiting._  
_I've gotta go._

A sound behind her drew her gaze. There he was. The one and only man she'd ever been able to believe in, have faith in, trust and love with her whole heart and soul stood before her looking bemused and slightly annoyed. Carly found herself staring at the man who had filled her with so many complicated emotions for so long, but the sight of him standing before her now left her feeling spent... completely empty. She numbly waited for him to speak, until she realized he was once again waiting for her to fill the silence. She broke his gaze uninterested in his little games, and returned her stare to the gloomy harbor.

She heard him come down the stairs toward her, both maintaining their silence until he reached her side.

"Max said you've been down here for hours," he spoke, slightly hesitant at Carly's silence and seeming aloofness. "Since you left the office." When Carly showed no signs of even acknowledging that he'd spoken, he continued, "Listen, Carly. You have to understand—"

She quickly cut him of with a derisive, bitter laugh. "Of course, I do," she snapped sarcastically. "That's my job in the ridiculous little farce of a _friendship_. You shit on my feelings in favor of your current lover because it's only Carly and she HAS to understand. Well, let me clarify things for you, Mr. Morgan. No, I do not **have** to do _anything_, ESPECIALLY where you're concerned. I _never_ did. It was always my **choice** because I _always_ chose **you**. But no more. You've dismissed me and taken our bond for granted for the last time. You want to replace me. So be it. I hope you've chosen your replacement wisely. Because there will be no more chances."

"Carly—" Jason attempted as he reached for only to be stopped as she flinches from his touch.

"Don't bother with the placating and the condescension, _Jase_," she snarled. "You win. I'm giving up… on you, on us. I'm done. You wanted boundaries! Well, looks like you fished your wish today! I hereby release you from all of your promises, not that you managed to hold to them half the time. Me and my kids will never ask anything more of you, so be happy! You are free to focus on your precious fiancé. You always wanted a family… as long as I wasn't a part of it."

_Have you ever been low?_  
_Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?_  
_When the truth came out_  
_Were you the last to know?_  
_Were you left out in the cold?_  
_Cuz what you did was low_

_What you did was low (low)[Repeat 3x]_

"Look, Carly, I get that you're upset," Jason sighed trying to relegate her hurtful words to just another of her angry rants. "But you know I'd never hurt you and I have never broken my promises to you! Don't say things you don't mean, Carly!"

"Why wouldn't I mean them? How would I know any such thing?" she answered coldly. "You've proven to me that you are a coward ruled by fear and guilt! Oh, and that you lie better than I could ever dream! I seem to remember you swearing to me that you were in it for the long haul… at least until you weren't anymore!" She paced away sobbing uncontrollably in her hurt-fueled rage.

"You swore you would always catch me when I fell," she accused sadly before her anger returned, "but unfortunately for me, I missed the fine print with the exceptions for when you need to leave town without saying goodbye or for when one of your little martyrs needs you more than me. Or how about when you promised our son—**_my_** son that you would always be there for him and protect him?" she raged turning to look at with pain and fury warring in her eyes. "Is that why he calls you _Uncle_ Jason or just Jase these days? Or why he was kidnapped and presumed dead? Is that why he was shot in the head and lost a year of his life? Or maybe your best example was when my little boy was RAPED in a prison cell?! A prison cell you swore to me he would never see! 'Just trust me, Carly!' As if trusting you has done me so much good."

"I trusted you with Michael. But you couldn't wait to give my baby away," she continued viciously, glorying in each new flash of pain, determined to bring him low, to her level. "To Robin, to AJ & the Quartermaines, and, of course, to your precious hero Sonny! You refused to give our boy or me our family. Better that AJ or Sonny or Jax or anyone else but you handle _your_ responsibilities to _your_ family. But wait, I'm being unfair. When your guilt was riding you hard enough, then you'd take time to handle your **obligations**.

"But I am _done_ seeing you through rose-colored glasses and rationalizing away every single way that you have failed me and our family, Jason," she whimpered before straightening her shoulders. "I'm done loving you with everything I have while you whittle away at your feelings for me until I'm just a habit for you. So you go and run back behind you and your little lying, two-faced tramp of a fiancé's boundaries. And I hope you live happily ever after. But know this, I'm DONE! You always swore I would be the one to destroy you, but _wrong __**AGAIN**_! Obviously, the most destructive thing in my life isn't Sonny, although he's a close second. No, that honor goes to you!"

_I walk out of this darkness_  
_With no sense of regret_  
_And I go with a clear conscience_  
_We both know that you can't say that_  
_Here's to show_  
_For all the time I loved you so…_  
_So..._

"Carly, please," he begged, desperately grabbing her arm when she looked like she would have walked away. _Please don't let this be real. Please let me look in her eyes and see something that tells me this isn't really the end_. "Don't."

Her struggle inspired him to react instinctively. _Mine_.

He pulled her into his arms and released the part of his soul that he has kept buried deep inside him, the part that has always been hers. He poured all the passion in his soul into a once-in-a-lifetime kiss. Her resistance disintegrated under the intensity and she melted into his embrace. They became entrenched in their world of passion and clothes became obstacles that needed to be removed. Their jackets were gone and his shirt halfway off before a throat clearing broke their bubble apart.

Reality forced its way in, leaving them dazed and breathing heavily. Carly looked up into her beloved's faith with a tiny spark of hope and love. "Jase?" she whispered, reaching out to caress his face.

"I'm sorry," he heard himself say. He was forced to watch as the words hit her with killing accuracy.

She snatched her hand away as if in fear of being burned, all signs of hope and love extinguished. She slapped him. "No. How could you?" Carly sobbed brokenly as she began backing away. "How could you? You stay away from me. Stay away from me!"

"Carl—" he tried, realizing what he had done, however unintentionally, but she just ran from him … right into Shawn's arms.

"Shawn, please, get me out of here," she whimpered looking up at him as if only he could save her. "I need you."

"Of course, Carly," Shawn assured her making eye contact with a broken looking Jason Morgan. "Let me get you home."

Jason dropped to his knees right there on the docks as tears overcame his control. Carly had finally found someone to be there for her… He could finally live his life without her always needing him to come to her rescue, but Jason found there was no relief in being replaced only the devastating pain of loss—the loss of something he never knew he was still hoping for.

_Have you ever been low?_  
_Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?_  
_When the truth came out_  
_Were you the last to know?_  
_Were you left out in the cold?_  
_Cuz what you did was low. (Repeat 2x)_  
_Have you ever been low?_  
_Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?_  
_Cuz what you did was low…_  
_**~"Low" by Kelly Clarkson**_


End file.
